So how do you know that the thing you’re thinking you’ve always wanted to do is actually your dream?
Well, there are a couple ways to know:
1. You feel enlivened thinking about it, and/or
2. You feel scared to death thinking about it.
You feel enlivened because the thought of it just makes your heart come alive with joy. And you feel scared to death because it is way, way, way too big for you to accomplish on your own, and what will they say if you fail or fuck up?
Humans and the universe are wired that way. The things we most want to achieve are things that can’t be achieved alone. You’re never quite big enough or strong enough to completely accomplish that thing that really makes you feel alive.
So how do you get it?
You get what you want by helping other people get what they want.
“But Lin,” you say, “you don’t get it. I don’t have any way to help other people! I’m the one who needs help!”
But that isn’t true. There is always someone you can help, with exactly the resources that you have.
Sometimes they’ll reciprocate directly by helping you. More often, the action you take in helping someone else actually changes you. It makes you a bigger, better, stronger person.
Don’t get me wrong, though, I get where you’re coming from. I’ve been seeing the phrase “you get what you want by helping other people get what they want” plastered over blogs and self help books for years and still didn’t understand what that meant I was supposed to do.
Until I actually took a look back at my life and dissected all the successes I’d ever achieved.
I got into an Ivy League college. Why? Not because I’m a genius. I really don’t think I am that smart, and I was NEVER even academically motivated! Left to my own devices, I would have been a slacker and gotten terrible grades. But my best friend wanted to be a doctor, and she was constantly asking me for help with math and science. I had to learn these subjects (which I didn’t even care about) just so that I could help her–but I ended up benefiting too.
In college, I was a leader in my belly dance troupe, choreographed a lot of pieces that were quite popular, and even directed a full-length dance production that actually made a profit. How could I accomplish that? Because of all the years I spent as a teenager in the dance studio, helping my classmates and the younger girls remember their choreography. It was only by helping others that I ever achieved anything in dance–I couldn’t have done it based on talent because I had next to none! It was all about helping other people to blossom and express themselves.
I got promoted to assistant manager of one of the call centers I worked in, just in time for the biggest proxy solicitation project that had ever been done. How did that happen? I hadn’t even been trying to make it happen. It happened because I had spent all my time as a team lead focused on helping my agents do better and get better scores on their calls. Actually, my boss originally hadn’t even wanted to make me a team lead because she thought I was too shy and quiet. But she gave me a chance–again, because I had been helping her in the position that I was previously in.
I recently had a really sweet job at Life Force Arts Center in Chicago, and had even more dance opportunities there and elsewhere, because I had provided useful help in the past, volunteering 20 hours a week simply because I’d had nothing better to do at the time.
On the other side of that, I’ve lost just as many opportunities by failing or refusing to help others. Probably my biggest failure has been as a big sister to my two little sisters and my little brother. More often teaching them the right way to live, I beat them up and made fun of them. I’ve also been unhelpful to my other relatives, because I chose to do my own thing in life and not set a good example of academic success for all my younger cousins. So a lot of my family thinks I’m useless for that reason.
I could go on, but now, it’s time to focus on what you can do. And here’s the secret for application: you don’t have to help people strategically or with an agenda in mind. Just help them any way you can, from wherever you are right now! Don’t think about it too much; just follow the natural calling to help others, as often as you can. You will be amazed at what can happen for you in just a short time–and how much easier it can be to get the things you want!